BIOLOGY JOKES

Jokes for Biology Class

A frog goes into a bank and hops up to the loan officer. The frog says "Hi, what's your name?"
The loan officer says "My name is John Paddywack.� Can I help you?"
The frog says "Yeah, I'd like to borrow some money."
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form.� He says, "Okay, what's your name?"
The frog says "Kermit Jagger."
The loan officer says "Really? Any relation to Mick Jagger?"
The frog says "Yeah, he's my dad."
The loan officer says, "Okay.� Ummm...do you have any collateral?"
The frog hands the loan officer a pink ceramic elephant and says "Will this do?"
The loan officer says� "Hmmm...I'm not sure.� Let me go check with the bank manager."
The frog says "Oh, tell him I said hi.� He knows me."
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says "Excuse me, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money.� All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing and I'm not even sure what it is."
The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."


A big old warty swamp frog decided to call the Psychic Hotline and see what his future held for him.
The psychic said, "You will meet a very beautiful young girl with long blond hair, who will want to know everything about you.
"That's great!" exclaimed the frog. "When and where will I meet her? At a fancy palace ball or down by the pond?"
The psychic hesitated, then responded solemnly, "You will meet her next semester...in Biology Lab!"


TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED: I get up early.
HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, teacher. Snakes don't have feet.
TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defence," and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.




A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens."
The co-op man complies.
A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

Two little snakes were wiggling along the side of the road when the first little snake turned to the second little snake and asked, "Are we poisonous?" "Why?" asked the second little snake, to which the first ittle snake replied, "Because I just bit my lip!"

Noah opens up the ark and lets all the animals out, telling them to "Go forth and multiply." He's closing the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner.
So he says to them, "Didn't you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply."
"We can't," said the snakes, "We're adders."


A neutron goes into a cafe and asks the waitress, "How much for a Coke?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.� One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!"� "Are you sure?"� "Yeah, I'm positive!"

**MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY**

ARTERY: The study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: Back door to cafeteria
BARIUM: Patient disposition
BOWEL: Letter like A, E, I, O, or U
CAT SCAN: Searching for kitty
CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with her
COLIC: Sheep dog
COMA: Punctuation
CONGENITAL: Friendly
CESAREAN SECTION: A district in Rome
COLIC: A sheep dog
COMA: A punctuation mark
DILATE: To live a long time
ENEMA: Not a friend
FESTER: Quicker
G.I. SERIES: Baseball game between soldiers
HANGNAIL: A coat hook
MEDICAL STAFF: A doctor's cane
MINOR OPERATION: Coal digging
MORBID: A higher offer
NITRATE: less than the day rate
NODE: Was aware of
ORGANIC: Musical
OUTPATIENT: A person who has fainted
POST OPERATIVE: A letter carrier
PROTEIN: In favor of young people
SECRETION: Hiding anything
SEROLOGY: Study of English knighthood
TABLET: A small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: Sick at the airport
TUMOR: An extra pair
URINE: Opposite of you're out
VARICOSE VEINS: Veins that are very close together


l.� Where did Noah keep the bees?
牋牋牋� In the archives, of course!
2.� What did the two snakes say when Noah said, "Be fruitful and multiply?"
牋牋牋� "We can't, we're adders!"
3.� What was the first state mentioned in the Bible?
牋牋牋� Noah looked out his ark and saw!
4.� What kind of lights were on Noah's ark?
牋牋牋� Floodlights.
5.� Why didn't they play cards on Noah's ark?
牋牋牋� The elephant was standing on the deck!


Why did the skeleton play the piano?
Because he didn't have any organs!
Why did the cat run away from the tree?
Because of its bark.
Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties?
Because it was a real fungi!
If an athlete gets athlete抯 foot, what does an astronaut get?
Missile toe.
What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh!

Rabbit Riddles

How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots (carets!)
What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies!
What does it mean when you see thirty rabbits in a row and they are all marching backwards?
What you have is a receding hareline.
What can rabbits have that no other animal can have?
Baby rabbits.
Which side of a rabbit has the most fur?
The outside.
What is the difference between a new-age rabbit that is preparing for the future and one that is getting ready for dinner?
The first rabbit will visualize world peace.
The second rabbit will visualize whirled peas.

Cow Riddles
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow from Alaska?
An Eski-moo
What do you call a cow that has just given birth?
De-calf-inated

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.


Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me, too," said the second, "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they couldn't eat any more.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one. "Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "O.K." said the first.
They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
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(You're gonna love this one...)
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Education Cartoons for Teachers by Randy Glasbergen
The Bug Jester
ZOOM: Bird Jokes